:: archive

April 07 - issue 2

Dearly Bewildered

While we are obviously delighted to see any new parents choosing to formalise their offsprings' faith with a formal gathering around the font, the time has come to announce a formal ban on any more parishioners choosing Elton John as their godfather. It's widely believed that Geri Halliwell only asked Victoria Beckham to undertake this duty after having found that Elton already had nine famous godchildren to minister to. Other role models are available. There's Pete Doherty for a start.

CALLING ROCK VIRGINS!

Parishioner Tim Turner:

At a party at the weekend I was chatting to a bloke in his mid-50s who mentioned in passing that he'd only ever been to one rock concert. "Oh, who was it?" I asked. "The Beatles," he said, matter-of- factly, "at the Odeon in Leeds." He couldn't even recall the year, though he did remember screaming a lot. I'm not sure what that proves, and I didn't get the chance to ask why he never felt the urge to repeat the experience. Can any other parishioners provide examples of people who've got a perfect record in some sphere of entertainment?

The Vicar has never stayed overnight at a rock festival. Does this count?

IS THERE ANY RESPECT IN WHICH YOU'RE A ROCK VIRGIN? mail@rockingvicar.com

PARISH APPEAL

Parishioner Rich Goodall:

In the episode of The Young Ones where Neil joins the police, they raid a party where the stereo gets trashed. Neil looks at the camera and says 'Oh no, Steve Hillage'. Does any one know the title of the song playing? It features lyrics along the lines of 'sophisticated sciences'. Thank you.

SHOPPING WITH MICK JAGGER

We're grateful to parishioner Paul Gorman of blog.myspace.com/rockpopfashion for this:

As a coda to his memories of working at Granny Takes A Trip in LA in the early 70s, THE LOOK's friend Roger Klein has dug up a memory concerning a surprise visit to the store by one Michael Phillip Jagger. It is, at all times while reading this, worth remembering that Mick was a student at the London School Of Economics.

Roger takes up the story:

So, one day Jagger strutted into the shop just like he was on stage. He came up to me and announced, in the unlikely combo of a Southern accent and Cockney drawl: "I need some fancy clothes, whadda y'all got?"

Oh, I was nervous alright. Not because it was Jagger, but because we hadn't made a sale all week and there was the distinct possibility that there wouldn't be any funds to pay me.

If he bought a load of gear that would change everything. Oh yes! Right this way, Mick!

The first thing I put on him was the black silky jacket with copper threads and black velvet collar. It always ended up being the last jacket left in the shop and we kept it high up on display. I blew off the thick layer of dust that had settled on the shoulders.

How old was it, I wondered? It may well have been sitting in the shop in London for years before it found it's way over here.

Yet Mick seemed quite pleased as he gazed into the mirror in the fitting room. "I'll take it ," he proclaimed.

Next was a black satin shirt and then two pairs of velvet trousers. "I 'll take the lot!!" he cried.

Ahhhh, I'd be paid after all. I filled out the receipt on top of an old wooden pump organ that was in the front of the shop in place of a counter. The bill came close to $700.

When I gave Mick the total amount he looked positively confused...then irritated: "Uhhh, well, Marty never makes me pay!" Marty was the co-owner, back in London.

I reiterated that he had to pay the full amount, at which he swept the clothes off the organ onto the floor.

"No. I'm not paying," he declared and wandered off towards the back of the shop and buried his head in a large cardboard box of the oldest, rattiest clothes imaginable. They WERE NOT Granny's: awful looking satin loons, scooped necked crap t-shirts and a bunch of other rubbish that the other owner Freddie had brought back from somewhere and I had been told to give to the Goodwill or inmates at the local ladies prison.

Hey, I'm not making this stuff up. That's what Freddie told me!

"What's this then?" Mick inquired.

"Oh,just old clothes we don't want," I told him.

"And they're free?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Right, then," the leader of the biggest rock band in the world exclaimed. "I'm taking all of this," and out he marched with an armful of clothes meant for the homeless.

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Parishioner Alex Pullan (coincidentally):

I wondered if any parishioners could come up with some further examples of Meanness in song lyrics. For example; Lend Me Your Comb. Hardly an expensive haircare item - buy your own! Also much has been reported of Rod Stewart's canny attitude to money. Whilst I thought this may be a little unfair I have found evidence of this on a track from Rodâ?Ts first solo album A Old Raincoat Won't Ever Let You Down. On the pre-Incidentally introduction to Cindy, Cindy's Lament, Rod intones 'You know I've tried to impress you Cindy, I even lent you my library book'. So how much did that gesture cost you then Rod? Better make sure she returns it before any late fines are due though!

"GLASTO! THE FLOYD! MADGE!"

Parishioner Germane Paxman: I'm just listening to Half Man Half Biscuit's "Corgi Registered Friends" and can't help agreeing that the worst thing you can say about a bloke is "he calls Glastonbury Glasto". There's something about all these matey diminutives that puts my teeth on edge. It's the sort of thing radio presenters affect when they're trying to sound au courant. Shouldn't we compile a list starting with Glasto, The Floyd and Madge? Do any other parishioner etc...

FROM THE DESK OF PARISHIONER DANNY BAKER

I'm all over the Sham wars as you know.

Now Jimmy Pursey, who likes his drink and smoke, has posted the following bonkers statement on his myspace page: "To whom it may concern. Any DJ, promoter, deserter, mutineers, blaggers or thieves, anyone using the name Sham 69 without the official consent of the House of Hersham must pay all monies for using this name to the Zahid Mubarek family. i.e. Jack the Lad Promotions, Kerrang Radio, Virgin Radio, Dave Parsons, Ian Whitewood, promoter Timothy (Scazz) Scargill, any desecration, vandalism of our name or artwork e.g. polar bear, will be deemed as a discriminatory deception of our character. Any Facsist internet thug tactics against my name in art or a blatant attempt to attack all work that is done for Green Peace or the Enlightenment of Climate Change direct action, the House of Hersham. The official Sham 69 has no management or

manager."

Get in touch: mail@rockingvicar.com

Pip pip!!

The Rocking Vicar

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