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April 07 - issue 3

Dearly Bewildered

A couple of notices before we get into the service.

1. The Vicar's new competition is called, rather originally we feel, Name That Tune. The twist is you have to work out what the tune is from a picture (see http://tinyurl.com/yry4te) rather than a clip. Post your answer on the messageboard at http://www.rockingvicar.com

2. Our friends at The Word are offering parishioners a subscription to that fine magazine for just £35. That's 12 issues plus 12 CDs delivered to your door for a 35% discount. Just call 0870 442 0912 and quote code RV35.

IF U WERE THE ONLY BAND IN THE WORLD

Parishioner Magnus:

In some draconian future each citizen is only permitted to listen to music by artists whose bandname, first or surname begin with the same letter (ZZ Top, Zappa, The Zutons etc.). So the question is, which letter do you choose and which artists does it give you? Verbal polls suggest one letter is most popular, but will the parish agree?

PARISH APPEAL ANSWERED

Parishioner Aidan: was one of many who sprang with alacrity to the aid of the parishioner who wanted to know what the tune was that was playing in The Young Ones when the police raided the party. Most seem to agree that it's "Electric Gypsies" from Hillage's second album "L" 'Isn't that the one that Todd Rundgren produced?' pipes up the Curate from the vestry.

PARISH APPEAL LAUNCHED

Parishioner Peter Simmons:

"When did we start calling groups bands? It was groups all the way until at least the mid 60s ( often referred to as 'beat groups' ) but when did the ever so slightly hip term 'band' first emerge. Was it good old Sergeant Pepper or perhaps Music From The Big Pink by The Band? Or perhaps it started with the Summer of Love? And why is it that some groups will always be groups ( The Hollies, Spencer Davis ) and never make the transition to band?"

THE VICAR WRITES: Excellent topic, Peter. Surely it was an Americanism imported at the end of the 60s? Your thoughts, please, flock.

PUTTING A BIT BACK

Parishioner Brett: Your reverence, I thought you'd be interested in a fine example of heartwarming benevolence from a section of rock society better known for its guitarless stadium power-tunes and occasional trips to rehab. Those nice young men from Keane donated an impressive £10,000 to help build a new cricket pavilion at their home ground in Battle, after the first one was burnt down by some of the town's ne'er-do-wells. Isn't it refreshing to know that not all rock stars are pumped-up prima donnas or touchy psychopaths? Before the music took over, Tom Chaplin used to open the bowling for Battle 1st XI, and by all accounts was a bit of a tweaker. Which makes me wonder how many other musicians have a secret sporting talent. Do any of your parishioners etc etc.

MAKING IT COUNT

Parishioner Brian:

If ever there was a pastoral role for you...

Mebbe you'd like to check out my new post on the messageboard. Given that I'm following the path of Bill Hicks, I invoke the mighty powers of guilt. Also, my blog: www.captpancreas.blogspot.co.uk

STAMP OUT MATEY DIMINUTIVES

Parishioner Ant:

Oh and on the subject of matey superstar diminutives, pushing past well-popular unpleasantries such as "Van The Man" and "The Boss", my own least-favourite has to be any reference to Paul McCartney as "Macca", (especially with a precursory "thumbs-aloft" - come on, you've all written it at one point, haven't you?). However, my hatred has recently been slightly tempered by the fact that Heather Mills is now habitually referred to in the Red-Tops as "Mucka", so maybe there is a thin silver lining to that cloud after all... I should also add that my own personal favourite pop epithet ("popithet"?), though for a musician of slightly lesser status, is to refer to a certain Madonna-producing and Les Rhythmes Digitales-fronting redhead as "Stuart from Reading". Maybe others in the parish have equivalent less-than complementary shorthands for their own personal satisfaction / use / etc...?

THE VICAR WRITES: Ungenerous I know but there are sections of the parish where Tony Hadley is know either as "Foghorn" or "Foggers".

Parishioner Gideon Coe:

It's been a while since I got in touch, I've been short of material though I'm working on a startling anecdote involving Kevin Ayers and my mother's fireplace. In the meantime I was delighted to read Parishioner Paxman raging against matey diminutives especially as uttered by radio presenters (whatever they are). "Glasto" is the prime example of this and should be at very least banned forever. I'd also like to nominate some more whilst accepting that I just might have been guilty of using them from time to time. So let's have no more of:- The Stuffies when talking about the Wonderstuff and, while we're about it, The Poppies when talking about Pop Will Eat Itself (they do come up in conversation occasionally.) See also...

The Zep,

Moz,

And, perhaps most of all,

"The Zim" when discussing Bobby D. Blast, there I go again

Parishioner Andy Franks:

Following on from Germane's can-opening e-mail. I think we should be a little firmer on these Disc Jockey blighters and suggest that the following should immediately be consigned to the blacklist. Eric Clapton will no longer be referred to as God or even worse Slowhand. Paul Weller will not be announced as The Modfather or The Woking Wonder. Bruce Springsteen, much admired in the parish, has surely warranted the dropping of The Boss. Others that spring to mind are Led Zep, Led Zeppelin if you please and of course my particular bete noire is the insistence of self appointed 'Kings of the Airwaves' referring to Mr Reg Dwight as "Elton John", this nonsense must stop. Some may regard this as harsh, well maybe but we do need standards. That being said I think an exception should be made for The 'Mighty' Fall/The Fall when used in a John Peel (RIP) context.

GINGER BAKER'S DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR

Parishioner Rodders:

In 1967 I was lead singer with a Bristol-based band and we blagged a booking to support Cream when they played the Chinese R+B Jazz Club at Bristol's Corn Exchange. It must have been very early in their brief career as I don't recall anyone had heard of them outside a small band of John Mayall devotees. Anyway, the Corn Exchange was not the most salubrious of venues; in fact it featured a 'dressing room' that was a metre-wide strip of stage behind the back curtains. The only toilets were accessed from the main auditorium and shared by acts and public alike. I wandered innocently into said facilities prior to going on stage to find stall one (of two) being used by this nondescript bloke in a brown leather jacket. Availing myself of stall two it gradually dawned on me that I was STANDING NEXT TO ERIC CLAPTON! Lacking the bravura to ask for an autograph, as his hands were otherwise engaged, I returned to the backstage dressing room to find Ginger Baker, grinning evilly, looking like the proverbial and pissing into a pint beer mug. His reason for this display of golden agility? "If I go out there I'll probably get mobbed" - an interesting comment from the man who wasn't God and didn't go on to become one.

ROCK VIRGINS AMNESTY

Parishioner Mike O'Rourke:

Whilst anything but a rock virgin I never knowingly attended a gig featuring a rock combo that had had a 45 in the popular music charts. Many subsequently did.

Parishioner Alex:

An old work pal of mine once expressed his total disbelief that I am so fond of music, saying 'Can't stick it, myself'. To the misguided suggestion that a visit to a live concert might alter his perception, he added 'Went to some Gilbert and Sullivan once, couldn't make head nor tail of it.'

THE VICAR WRITES: I have never attended a rock festival in a residential capacity. Can any other parishioners etc etc?

THE NEWSLETTER RELIES ON YOUR CONTRIBS. KEEP THEM COMING.

Are you in any respect a rock virgin? Are there any matey diminutives that get on your nerves? If you could only rock in one section of the record shop, which would it be?

Get in touch: mail@rockingvicar.com

Pip pip!!

The Rocking Vicar

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