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THE CURSE OF THE AUTOCUE Parishioner Steve Mainwaring: The first time I was aware of singers using autocues was at the tribute concert for Bob Dylan's 30th Wedding Anniversary or whatever it was, where it seemed that all the great and good were using them. Two things struck me about this. One was that I and most of my friends would know these words off by heart without having consciously learnt them, as part of our culture, but these people who had grown up as professional musicians either contemporaneously with or in the shadow of Dylan clearly did not. The other was that it seems much harder to take a singer's emoting seriously when you know they're reading the words. To my knowledge nobody else ever commented on it, but I found that aspect of the concert much more shocking than Skinead O'Connor getting booed off. Parishioner Mark Spedding: Surely I can't be the only parishioner looking forward to the use of autocue by whichever version of Dr Feelgood is currently doing the rounds. The audience participation to "eight bars of piano" will be the highlight of anyone's evening. Parishioner Val Jennings: In the autocue stakes, Brian Wilson is probably the best exponent, sporting, as he does, two screens, perched quite visibly at either end of a keyboard that serves largely as an unused prop. Of course, given that it's Brian, he is instantly forgiven by all but the most cynical of his audience. Mind you, if I ever found out that the screens also remind him of his own glorious chord progressions, then perhaps I'd feel slightly aggrieved. THEY LIED TO US IN SONG! Parishioner Fletch: And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas, they sang on eternal tin-rattler Do They Know It’s Christmas? So whats the white stuff on top of Mount Kilimanjaro then? Parishioner Danny Baker: The Beatles. You'd have thought they wouldn't need to lie to us wouldn't you? Yet there it is on "She's Leaving Home", when, after the line "She's having fun," for some reason John responds, "Fun is the one thing that money can't buy...." when, in fact, it turns out that's the only thing that c. of the r. is actually good for. What were they trying to pull? "Give us all your useless money suckers, it's no good to you," seems to be the agenda there. They'll be telling us it can't buy love next...oh hang on...

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