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March 07 - issue 2

Dearly Bewildered

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It's finally here! Bob Dylan singing Doctor Seuss!

http://dylanhearsawho.com/home.htm

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ROCK AND ROLL DOPPELGANGERS

Parishioner Magnus: I'm interested in rock folk who go by the same handle. The prime example must be Mick Jones. On the one hand, he's the heroic, liquorice legged guitar slinger in The Clash. On the other, the songwriter and poodle perm sporting bloke from emotive Americans: Foreigner. Same name, very different mission.

 

EVER GET YOUR MONEY BACK?

Parishioner Allan Williams:

Shortly after attending a gig at the Assembly Rooms Tamworth I received the following letter. " Dear Customer, Due to the fact that Midge Ure's voice was not to his usual high standard at the show on Wednesday, we would like to offer you, as a good will gesture, a £5 credit against another show at the venue" I had found the evening quite difficult to get through, especially the acoustic version of Vienna, so was quite relived when I got the letter.

IN SEARCH OF THE WORST TEMPER IN ROCK

Parishioner Martin:

I saw Thin Lizzy at Hammersmith Odeon in about 1979/80 and Gary Moore was unhappy with a guitar that he had been handed. He simultaneously lobbed/threw said axe into the outstretched arms of the 'guilty' roadie and strode across the stage to plant a foot between the outstretched thighs of said, otherwise distracted, roadie. That had to hurt, and it was the worst display of angry petulence that I have ever witnessed.

Parishioner Barney Tabasco:

Re Worst Temper In Rock, just two words will surely suffice: Van Fecking Morrison

Parishioner Derek Ridgers

Often, when faced with a journalist from the the rock press, musicians are on their best behavior for fear that news of what they are really like gets back to their constituency. Not always, obviously. But ocasionally, when the journalist is long gone, they save an insight into their real selves for us, the mere smudgers. In thirty years of photographing rock stars and musicians, the worst and most inexplicable bad temper I have ever personally encountered was that of Ben Watt. Back in 1986 I was commisioned to shoot Everything But The Girl for a cover of the NME. I'd been instructed by then editor Danny Kelly to get some good colour photographs of them and not to come back until I did. It was in the early days of NME colour covers and good vibrant colour was considered very important then. It was a bright, sunny, early summer day when I turned up at EBTG's chic little flat in one of

the back roads of Hampstead. After the usually pleasantries, Ben and Tracey asked me what I wanted to do. Since their flat was fashionably monochrome (see example as evidence here - http://tinyurl.com/3aq2vg) with white walls, black and white tiles and black and white photos of Louise Brooks on the wall, I asked them if they'd mind stepping outside into the sunshine. They, for some reason, only wanted to do the photos inside their flat. It wasn't exactly hot outside but it was not at all cold. I explained that I could do some perfectly decent photos of them inside their flat but that then the photos wouldn't be able to go on the cover. At this, Ben Watt went almost instantly incandescent with rage. I heard a full gamut of four letter words and a lot of hand wringing, shouting, banging of tables, storming around and all about what rubbish the NME was anyway. I'd spent many years

photographing bikers, punks, skinheads and drug addicts and none of them had ever ever reacted so badly to a photo suggestion of mine. A slightly embarrassed looking Tracey Watt was almost obliged to join in the tirade, so she did. As I predicted the photos were fine and they didn't go on the cover. The photos show them looking peaceful and contemplative. Which just goes to show how un-verite the medium can sometimes be. They didn't apologise afterwards and I've never met them since. It was a long time before his illness, so that could not have been Ben Watt's excuse. I once recounted this episode to a guy that had been his guitar tech for a while. He told me that on an entire US tour, Ben Watt never managed to say "please" or "thank you" once.

Parishioner Paul:

Stephen Stills must come in the Top 10. There's a CD doing the round of collectors at the moment that includes a recording of Stills playing the acoustic guitar track to "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes". At one point his cohorts Crosby and Nash break into applause. Is Stills pleased by this ? Not at all;

(Stills): "Goddamn you guys, I was really playing groovy.."

(Nash): "We just wanted to tell you about it...

(Stills): "You just shouted in my ear and blew my whole groove. Now shut up

for a while and let's get down and mellow ? OK ?"

(Nash): "I'm not gonna say anything.."

(Stills): "You just said something else..."

There was also the time during the first night of the two night stint they did at Hammersmith in 2005 where, after the end of the first song, Stills stalked to the side of the stage taking his guitar off as he did so. His roadie presented him with the guitar for the next song only for Stills to extend an arm, place the flat of his hand against the poor employee's chest and force him out of the way as Stills sought the object of his quest, a towel.

Parishioner George Laxman:

Not strictly rock, I know, but surely no bad temper in show business has been more carefully recorded and documented than drummer Buddy Rich. Click here to hear him tearing a strip off and then firing an entire band.

http://www.divshare.com/download/209952-740

WHAT HOLLY DID NEXT

Parishioner Tim Turner:

My wife dragged me along to a 'modern antiques' fair at Olympia this morning, and the very first stall I saw was labelled 'Holly Johnson Antiques - Knutsford, Cheshire'. No sign of the proprietor, sadly, so I can't say whether it was Mr FGTH himself. But I was disappointed that their slogan wasn't something along the lines of: 'Relax - in a vintage chair from Holly Johnson Antiques'.

AUF WIEDERSEHN, PET

Parishoner Alan Robinson:

It was my belief that Geordie from Killing Joke was actually from County Durham (which technically wouldn't make him a Geordie, of course). Another factor in his North Eastern lineage would be that he used to use Burman guitar amplifiers, made in the North East by Greg Burman. A mate of mine used to work for Burman's servicing department, and once had to repair one of Geordie's amplifiers, back when 'The Joke' were huge. On removing the back panel of the amplifier, he was greeted by the horrendous sight of valves and transistors caked with gouts of dried phlegm and other discharge from the mucus membranes of post-Punk striplings. It resembled something like a cross between a contemporary hospital ward and a germ warfare lab. Them were the days, etc.

BLOWING YOUR OWN TRUMPET

Parishioner Simon Witter

My favourite example of artistic self-reference is the mid-90s Waylon Jennings classic Nobody Knows. A blinding, mid-tempo rockabilly number, this boasts the central conceit that Waylon is in fact the undead Elvis Presley, disguising himself as the bearded outlaw country icon to avoid detection. This allows Waylon not only to mention his own name in song, but also to call himself handsome, rugged, an amazing singer and guitar player, as well as a true star - all said modestly, of course, in the voice/persona of Elvis Presley. It's so good that I think the lyrics bear inclusion in full here.

Well I nearly got caught at a Burger King

And a couple of times on a plane

I thought I was safe from detection

With all of the weight I had gained

But walking around in a jumpsuit

That didn't work worth a damn

So I bought me some Levis and grew me a beard

You'll never guess who I am

Chorus:

Nobody knows I'm Elvis

Nobody knows this is me

After all of my tries...

I've got the perfect disguise

And I'm who I want to be

Nobody knows I'm Elvis

Nobody knows this is me

Bet you thought I was ol' Waylon

With all of my rugged good looks

Swaggering walk, body and soul

I barely had what it took

I've always envied his singing

The way he played the guitar

Black vest and hat, that's where it's at

That's what I call a star

Chorus.

(Bridge)

I want to show you Graceland, baby

That's where you ought to be

I'll give you a call...but let's keep it all

Somewhere between you and me

NAMECHECKING RICK ASTLEY

Parishioner Matt Hopkinson:

Nick Lowe's not the only one - there's a Wonder Stuff b-side all about "Astley in the Noose" ("of he hasn't got a use, but he's trying...)

WILL THIS DO? LYRICS

Parishioner Pazzat:

"This is not a love song. / This is not a love song. / This is not a love song." You're telling me it's not a bleeding love song, John.

 

Pip pip!!

 

 

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