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November 07 - issue 1

Dearly Bewildered

THE PLAINTIVE CRY OF THE ROCK AND ROLL DAD

Parishioner Adam Doughty, New Zealand:

Whilst driving my daughter on her birthday outing with her friends, I showed my 'cool dad' credentials by encouraging her to bring along a couple of CD's. This she did. All was well. Fergie popped up. Her top tune 'Glamourous' came one, which involves spelling, to which I am also very partial, and off she went into the chorus...."G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S." This touched a nerve, and a rant about our Colonial cousins, and how their spellings are archaic and we should only pity them. Cue much eye-rolling in the back of the car. And on to the next track: Fergalicious. No arguments from me on that score. And more spelling ensues: "D to the E to the L I C I O U S." Indeed so. But then, disaster strikes: "T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tastey." And I was off again. I believe fists were shaken this time. Huffing and puffing and whispered apologies to the

chums. My Cool Dad credential in tatters, the CD was changed. Rhianna this time. The toes were tapping and the natural order was restored. Until Umbrella. Or as the lovely Rihanna styles it, "Um/Ber/Re/La". Four syllables. Count 'em: four. And off I went for the third time. How will the poor girl ever write a decent haiku with this syllabic incontinence? These people are murdering our language!!! Etc. Mysteriously, the CD disappeared and we traveled in stony silence until some minutes later, when the radio went back on and the singing started again. My daughter's opinion of me was not changed by these events, but I think her friends may now consider me something of a Character.

FROM THE DESK OF PARISHIONER DANNY BAKER:

In an idle moment, log on to iTunes, go to the Greg Lake Live album and listen to the free thirty second sample of Court Of The Crimson King (Track One). The original pitch for the word "king" seems to have sunk through Greg's boots. Pub singer ahoy!

THE VICAR WRITES: This is a favourite topic around the vestry hearth. As singers careers go on for far longer than they originally anticipated many's the rock classic which is now being either: a) sung in a key more suited to the vocalist of advancing years or ; b) secretly handed over to one of the backing singers. We are told by one who should know that Ms Whitney Houston no longer attempts to scale the heights of the chorus on "I Will Always Love You", instead delegating the chore to one of her backing singers. And we await with bated breath the Led Zeppelin reunion concert where we shall find out whether Robert Plant is still capable of the Viking howl at the opening of "Immigrant Song". Any more examples of "note ducking"?

SOME THINGS WE IN THE VICARAGE MISS ABOUT VINYL

1. The surface noise before the track began.

2. Having a sleeve big enough to read on the way home from the record shop.

3. Reading the messages from "Porky" Peckham in the run-out groove.

4. Checking the vinyl for scratches before paying for a second-hand record.

5. The way that the zip on "Sticky Fingers" used to damage your other records.

6. The skill involved in dropping the stylus precisely on the gap between the tracks.

7. The unimprovable sound of The Jackson Five's "I Want You Back" on a seven-inch 45.

8. The fact you could distinguish your copy of Steely Dan's "Pretzel Logic" from others by the pops and clicks.

9. Going to school carrying an album under your arm.

10. The sheer joy of flicking through a rack of new releases.

11. Jamaican LPs that felt as if they were pressed on oak and RCA "Dynaflex" pressings that wobbled when you picked them up.

12. The way that a new record would stick to its inner bag when first taken out.

13. The adverts for Miner's make-up on the bags of Beatles singles.

14. "Dustbugs" and other record care paraphernalia.

Is there anything else worthy of a mention?

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WORD WEBSITE HAS BEEN EXTENSIVELY REVAMPED AND IS NOW INVITING CONTRIBUTIONS FROM PARISHIONERS WITH VIEWS ON ISSUES ROCKULAR.

http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk

Pip pip!!

Your Rocking Vicar

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