THE MIDDLE AIN'T Parishioner AN Kennedy: Might I be so bold as to suggest a new topic of dispute? - to whit, the Middle Ain't.There are plenty of instances of this lamentable "bridging device", but for a textbook example please check out The Knack and "My Sharona". Cue drums. Cue bass. Cue riddim. Cue vox. Cue the coming together of like-minds. So far so good. Nice one, rocking. THEN - just as both the song and the Knack are working up to a proper west-coast strop-on, IT GOES SHIT. Hello, diddley whimsey - hey Eagles! It's just not good enough. If we can't expect inventive middle-eights and bridges from our Pop Kids, what hope is there?

Try 2.40 in at http://tinyurl.co.uk/gyby

THE BEST EVER ALBUM CHART? Parishioner Iain MacDonald: For 40th birthday reasons I found out the UK Top 10 Albums from 8 October 1966, and found it contained four albums that regularly appear in 'best ever' lists, including two - Revolver and Pet Sounds - that often top such lists. Perhaps fellow parishioners can suggest a week that has a greater claim to having the best album chart ever: 1 Soundtrack: Sound of music; 2 Beatles: Revolver; 3 Walker Brothers: Portrait; 4 Beach Boys: Pet sounds; 5 Spencer Davis Group: Autumn 66; 6 Various: Stars charity fantasia Save the children fund; 7 John Mayall/Eric Clapton: Bluesbreakers; 8 Herb Alpert: Going places; 9 Kinks: Well respected Kinks; 10 Bob Dylan: Blonde on blonde.

"FANCY THAT" WITH THE VERGER The sexual practice from which the Scissor Sisters draw their name is known in some quarters as "horizontal lacrosse".

DREAMING OF THE DAME Parishioner Bell: For some years, I have been having unfathomable dreams about bizarre encounters with assorted rock stars. I work for an educational establishment and last night I dreamt that a heavily sedated David Bowie was in our College refectory being held upright in his chair with the assistance of our caretakers. Our Facilities Operations Manager was on a microphone making tasteless remarks about Mister Bowie's poor health while this parishioner was encouraging all in sundry to scream "This is Ground Control to Major Tom!!!" at the unfortunate rock legend to stir him out of his prescription drug-induced slumbers. I would rather not have this dream analysed as it might be revealing something deeply ugly in my subconscious but I would be interested to know if any fellow-parishioners have been having strange nocturnal encounters with random rock stars. I should add that Bowie isn't a particular favourite of mine (I only possess the 'Space Oddity' and 'Hunky Dory' albums) and I'd much rather be meeting Rose out of The Pipettes during dreamtime.